Writing used to be easy for me. Sometime after college and in-between the days of touring with the band. It was much easier for me to catch 20 minutes here and there or burn the midnight oil without a worry about what was on my calendar the following day. And maybe the fact that there were all these unknowns and struggles day to day that helped feed the fire behind the pen. Now my life seems a little more… organized. Less spontaneous. Which drives me crazy, since anyone who knows me well knows that I thrive off spontaneous impulses. I prefer a little chaos over the super structured life I live at the moment.
It’s not easy for me to write when I’m happy or I feel like everything’s found it’s place. I’m not sure why that is. I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts and reading books about how to get my groove back. The one lesson that seems to circle back to me continuously is the fact that writers… write. They don’t read about how to write. They don’t wait for a perfect moment. It doesn’t exist. They just write. After all, if you want to run a marathon you’re probably better off putting down the book on how to run long distances and just… run.
Easier said than done.
This mentality has changed my mindset over the past few months. Especially during COVID where I’ve found myself diving in and out of side projects like a day ends and a new one begins. I’ve struggled to finish half of what I pour myself into. Though, I’ve found that writing about my experience has helped me process the hurdles I’m up against and get back to the “why”. Why am I doing this in the first place. Is it because I’m bored? Am I attempting to find another creative outlet to keep my mind busy? What’s the point?
Lately, I’ve found that writing has helped clarify the point. By forcing myself to throw words on a page I’m naturally cataloging small pieces of information that I can piece together to help visualize how I feel. Instead of letting my mind wander and take control of my momentary gut reactions. I’m more focused. My mind is clear.
By no means do I feel like I’ve got my groove back. My words are less than perfect and I’m going to need a ton of practice in order to feel confident about how my words land on the page. But it’s as good of a time as any to start.
I’m starting this “blog” because I’m scared as shit to reveal myself as I hate the thought of feeling vulnerable. There’s this hurdle I’ve seen in the distance, no matter how fast or hard I run I never seemed to close in on it. It’s finally starting to move towards me and I’m beginning to feel like I can visualize myself making my way over it.
If you’re reading this. This is my first post of many. This is me. In real time. Figuring it out. Will it be good or worth your time? I have no idea. I’m just a steady work in progress.